LOST IN LUST

With cheating and suspicion common in many of today’s relationships, we spoke to a girl who regularly cheats on her boyfriend, but feels no guilt. She explores the reality of her philosophy in action.

I am what you may call a serial cheater. I have cheated on my last couple of boyfriends multiple times, including my current boyfriend. Most people see cheating as something horrible and wrong. I don’t disagree with them, but this hasn’t stopped me from going out and cheating. But cheating isn’t something I want to do, but sometimes something I feel I need to do.

A few years ago my father told me outright that he often cheats on my mother and that everyone will be cheated on eventually. But there is nothing we can do about it. It’s genetic. The talk obviously affected me. First, I was horrified that he would do that to my mother. And I hate that he continues to do it. But then when I began to cheat I felt a kind of justification knowing that they would eventually cheat on me. I preempt anyone from cheating on me by cheating on them first.

The strangest and most complicated part of cheating for me is I never feel any guilt. I should feel guilty as I feel guilt for other things I do in my life, but with cheating it doesn’t feel like it’s me doing it. It’s not me and not the person I want to be. I want fidelity in a relationship, and would hate for anyone to cheat on me and couldn’t stand the thought of my boyfriend with someone else. Hypocritical, I know, but I can’t explain it.

The main thing that pushes me to cheat is the state of the relationship I am in. Although I don’t think people in general should cheat, cheating helps me cope. I am a relationship person and always will be. When you begin a relationship you quickly assume an identity or role within the partnership. For example, right now I play a submissive role and oftentimes feel disrespected. It’s not who I want to be. So when I cheat I can be a different person from the role I have assumed in my relationship. I can be free of that label. None of my affairs have had emotional ties. I sleep with them, forget it happened and move on. I don’t want emotions. I purely want to be that new self for a moment. It is an escape.

I do love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him, but sometimes I just need to get away from the submissive role I currently play.

Also, although I don’t fully believe my father’s genetic argument, I do believe there is some biology to it. I think women cheat because we are biologically wired to procreate and in that way are required to bear children regardless of who the father is.

However, when men cheat I think it’s because they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere. I truly believe that women cheat more than men. We just know how to hide it better. I think women are capable of falling in and out of love much easier and faster than men, yet we need love and the security of family that comes with it. So if love is missing from their relationship they will stray. Yet, in my experience, men are more independent and happy alone than women, so have a harder time adjusting to being with someone else, and therefore take longer to fall in love. But if a guy is truly crazy about a woman, he won’t cheat and if they happen to break up it seems to me that men take a lot longer to get over the relationship.

There are plenty more reasons why people cheat. For me it is that feeling of escaping the restraints of my relationship identity. Cheating is not something I want to continue to do though. I am trying to stop. I am aware, even if I feel no guilt, that it’s a horrible thing to do to someone you love. Even though I cheat, I still hope for monogamous and faithful relationships in the future where I won’t feel the need to cheat. I just I haven’t found that person yet.


Vote UpVote Down
37%62%

  • Yolanda S V

    THAT WAS BOLD!
    THe worrying thing is that this is something a lot of women go through but no one talks about it!
    It’s a woman’s best kept secret.
    BOLD.

  • Pitrefru Pachanloin

    Fucked up article ! You need to be able to trust someone in a relationship. I am going to check on my girlfriend more.

  • Philippe

    It funny when the roles get inverted. I’m scared shitless now! But why wouldn’t she cheat if she feels like it. I do! It’s got nothing to do with gender, Except that the female gender keeps it to themselves better because they have to to not be considered as sluts!

  • Pink Moondance

    BOLD BUT EQUIVOCAL.

    It is courageous to tackle such a sensitive topic in public, BUT it seems that instead of confronting the actual problematics in the relationship and / or her inner sense of self, the article is actually about finding justification for cheating in biology and other vague and general arguments, and not being really honest about the topic, not even to herself.

    The claim that cheating is a part of ALL RELATIONSHIPS and that we should just accept it as a fact, is ridiculous. I know many relationships, and have myself been in relationships without trust issues or cheating. Sure, there are people who cheat, but it does not lead to the conclusion that everybody cheats. That is just weak analysis, meaning an excuse – the same as to claim that since cancer exists we are all gonna die from it, and hence we shouldn’t give a shit about our health.

    However, she makes a sensible point with the statement:
    “When you begin a relationship you quickly assume an identity or role within the partnership. For example, right now I play a submissive role and oftentimes feel disrespected. It’s not who I want to be. So when I cheat I can be a different person from the role I have assumed in my relationship. I can be free of that label. None of my affairs have had emotional ties. I sleep with them, forget it happened and move on. I don’t want emotions. I purely want to be that new self for a moment. It is an escape.”
    But this actually is in contradiction with the rest of the arguments in the article. The citation above expresses the real reason for her cheating, and is a really good analysis of the general reasons that people have for cheating.

    The article’s analysis of gender differences and biology as causes for cheating, however, is incompetent and weak. Many people, including me might experience it totally oppositely. What difference does it make if it is men or women who cheat more? Or who talks about cheating more? It’s peculiar how she brings up this gender division and hence even strengthens the sexist perspective by saying that women remain silent because of the fear of being seen as a slut. Even though, she herself says that women cheat more, but still she is convinced that all of her boyfriends are gonna eventually cheat on her – where is the logic here?

    The article portrays a picture of an insecure girl who is afraid to express what she really wants in a relationship – or maybe she is just in a bad relationship and would be better off without. It seems that she is too scared of being alone to take the step to find a relationship where she doesn’t feel the need to cheat.

    Nevertheless an interesting article that evoked a lot of thoughts on the topic.

  • lou

    really….she only look for an excuse to keep cheating.
    if u have a problem, solve it. Dont cheat.