For the average hetero male, anal play is akin to murdering your precious masculinity as if being entered means you are weakling being preyed upon. Author of sexcapade blog “Confessions of a Young Pervert” Liam Thomas, explores the widespread phenomena of straight men’s bum holes defensively contracting at the idea of allowing anything remotely near it.
In the many different demographics that I have sat around and socialised with, none is more honest and open than a room full of men discussing sex. I have heard guys casually confess to cheating on their girlfriends. I know who they last had sex with, how dirty she was and sometimes full details of the act itself. The circle of friends these stories are told in is almost like a church confessional box. The truth very rarely leaves the room. And if it does it is the whistle-blower who is considered to be the guilty party, not the guy who’s just openly bragged about sleeping with his other half’s best mate. I know which one of my mates’ missus or fuck buddy likes to be tied up and spanked and on some occasions I’ve even seen mobile phone recorded videos of their bird’s blowjob skills. No secret is left uncovered. A lot of people including other fellas may be opposed to this sort of behaviour, but it’s the way I’ve seen it and it’s not going to change anytime soon.
However, I have found that when on the discussion of things we enjoy during sex there is one particular act that always divides the room, and only then it’s if someone dares mention it. If you were to ask a group of lads if they liked a finger in the back door during sex, you’d most likely be met with blank stares, and probably a few remarks about how it’s either gay or disgusting. I can’t understand why someone would think it was gay. I mean, I like things up my arse, by women! It’s not gay if a woman does it. In fact, the mentality that enjoying things in the rear end is to be considered gay just because that’s what homosexuals do is clearly flawed. You might as well criticise nearly every other bit of foreplay us straight men enjoy, because I’m pretty sure the gays started sucking each other off for a long time before our ancestors plucked up the courage to ask their missus to give it a try. In fact in the space race that is pushing filthy sexual boundaries, us straight blokes are still sending monkeys into space wondering how we could possibly one day get them to return. Whilst gay fellas have got to the point where they are building space stations on mars. But then again it’s no surprise the gays are having kinkier sex than us, their straight up vanilla sex is already anal and for us heteros it can take months if not years to talk our women into bum love, and even then we only get it on birthdays and Valentine’s day.
There’s also the argument that having your bird stick something in your behind is disgusting. A mate of mine told me that one time this bird stuck a finger in him during foreplay and he nearly hit the roof, told her to wash her hands and everything. I wouldn’t entirely agree with this for a number of reasons. Yes, the whole appeal of anal is that it measures very highly on the filth Richter scale, so I suppose in that sense it can be considered filthy and disgusting. But if you can’t be filthy and disgusting when you’re having sex, then when can you be filthy and disgusting? There is something about receiving it from a lady that does feel incredibly kinky but then it’s also only natural that fellas would enjoy anal play. After all, the prostate is the equivalent of the male g-spot, and even though I’ve never achieved it, I’ve heard that the orgasms that can come from massaging it for a while are amazing.
Also personally, and like a few other blokes I asked, I suffer from a psychological condition called ‘retarded ejaculation’ where I am unable to cum during sex. This includes blowies, hand jobs and during sex itself. In fact I can’t cum unless I lie there rubbing myself off for what can be quite a while. For some ladies this may sound like a dream, to have a guy who can go for hours, but you soon find it grows old when every single sex session you have ends with at least 20 minutes of the guy lying there sweating, whilst he frantically rubs himself off trying to climax and by the time he’s ready to unload on your tits you’re already half asleep. But I have found that an anal fingering can just give that jump-start and cut down the waiting time; sometimes even like magic I can just blow my load there and then after a few rubs.
It’s not just fingering that can be enjoyed in the male-anal play spectrum, but there’s also many other fun activities like rimming, or even fisting if you’re feeling really adventurous, and my personal favourite pegging. Now, in pretty much every single one of my sexual relationships I have been the dominant half. But from time to time, usually during ‘Lady Week’ (or ‘Anal Week’ as I renamed it) me and whatever girl that I’d be involved with would have a role reversal. Where she would strap on an artificial penis and all the verbal abuse, humiliation and hard fucking would be subject onto me. There was one session in particular that was so sordid that it actually ended with the two of us giving each other a filthy job well done high-five. This is obviously quite refreshing, considering I spend 99% of my sex life slapping and insulting the women I’m sleeping with.
There were some blokes I spoke to who said they would like to try it but didn’t think their girlfriends would be into it. Obviously all women are different, but in my experience the girls have taken such a shine to anal play that I’ve actually converted them. One girl I turned into an evangelical rimmer, to the point where she didn’t really much care for blowjobs anymore and would almost demand that she could lick my arse in nearly every single session we’d have together. I remember the girl that first fingered me said that she didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as she did and her developing passion for it ended with her buying me an anal toy as a leaving present.
But to be honest, it’s like every sexual activity: unless it’s something that you fundamentally don’t want to try, you never really know if you’re going to enjoy it unless you give it a go. I can understand the taboo and why a lot of straight males would consider it gay and despite there being nothing wrong with being gay I can understand that there still is an unspoken curiosity that plagues a lot of male social circles when it comes to homosexuality. The majority of my friends are straight males, yet I can’t name any of them who have admitted to a gay experience or even confessed to having a gay fantasy, in fact, I can’t even name any of my male friends who identify as bisexual. Whereas when I look at my female friends I can’t really think of any who haven’t had at least a drunken kiss with another bird on a night out. I can’t understand why in this day and age there still does seems to be a stigma between lads about being gay, it’s not as if it’s a masculinity issue. What can be more masculine than shagging another bloke?
There’s also that it maybe even in some way a threat to the dominant role society tells them they should play in a relationship. Because like I mentioned, anal play is a submissive act and we’re so used to being the ones sticking things in holes that a role reversal can seem a bit too foreign for our tastes. But surely in an age where guys can happily share the intimate videos that they made in confidence with their girlfriends, we must also be closer to a point where we can experiment with things like take a finger or a tongue up the arse without the stigma that it would brand us a homo. There is your sexual orientation and there’s what you enjoy sexually, and we make ourselves more liberated and sure of our orientation once we become more comfortable with what we enjoy in our sex lives, whether we be straight, gay, bi or queer.