Christmas approaches and as all the different journals and magazines in the world are searching for articles to fill up their blank pages, Xxxtravaganza presents a lighter subject than usual: How to not get bored rolling joints.

A daily smoker shares his techniques and insight about how to roll a variety of different joints so you’re never again caught in the same cannabis routine.

I have been smoking cannabis for almost nine years now. The ritual is always the same. Take four items, a leaf, a roach, some tobacco, and of course, the little brown or green matter that will make the centrepiece of your art work, put it together and there you go, a joint.

I am not going to tell you about the wide ranging and varied ways of rolling joints from country to country, rather I’ll share an experience with you.

After four years of constant smoking with my friends, we decided that it was time for a change. No more commonly rolled joints all done with the same routine – we were going to revolutionise the art of rolling. In the end we did not. Our high minds were, as usual, seeing further than what was possible. But we were able at least to learn a few funny tricks.

The first and most simple one is the flat joint. Its funny because it does look flat and it allows you to roll bigger joints with the normal size slim. Take two roaches that you put side to side, it s really easy and good to begin with. The tricky part begins when putting the paper around, try to hold them tight, otherwise there will be the holes between them and it will be hard to smoke. I really like the ridiculous look that it gives to your joint and its quiet funny to smoke, additionally, its more powerful.

Most joint smokers reading this article probably know the ‘tulip’ as well; it’s a very conic form of a long roach. It’s really powerful as the ember of your joint is much bigger than usual. You often see it in tourists’ hands in Amsterdam but it still funny to create once in a while, especially when a lot of people want to smoke on the same joints. Make a roach sized like a pencil. Take two large papers and stick them together to make a rectangle with gummed strip running on the top. Fold the top left corner and connect it with the down right corner, use the gum strip in order to make them stick together. You should now have the form of the tulip.

Open up the cone and gently pack your mix in it. Place the roach in the centre and secure it by tying the paper around the roach. Ready to smoke. You can also replace the roach with an actual joint, it s called the Dutch tulip and is much funnier challenge. Just be careful to tilt your head up otherwise the chance of loosing half of your beautiful mix are high, especially if it was your first one.

An example for more adverted audience now, I don’t know if it has a name but I am sure fellow stoners all around the world have different way of calling that beauty. It’s shaped like an L that would have fallen on his left side. The aim is to put a second joint in a perpendicular way at the end of your first one. There won’t be any tutorial on how to do that. With a couple of good stoners and lots of paper, it took us forty-five minutes to find out. Imagine how happy you are to light the first little one and then attack the big second one. Wonderful! Nothing to do this afternoon? No money to go get drunk? Paper is not expensive, and you can reroll it everytime. Spend hours laughing with friends and then when you succeeded on rolling a masterpiece, you can enjoy it all together.

You can even try to link three joints together to one roach creating a cross smokeable on one hand. This is only for experienced roller, personally, I did it one time but it was such a pain in the arse that I never did it again. Good to impress your friends for one time and one time only. The easy way out is the moustache, just two joints roach to roach with a third perpendicular roach giving the moustache effect when you smoke it.

Now we are coming down to the last part, this is the one for those either that do not know how to roll or the ones who just want to get really fucking high in a very short amount of time. First, take the tube out of kitchen paper, make little holes and into those you will put a joint. Just smoke it on one end, putting your hand on the other side, release the hand near the end of your toke for the final blow. You can even find a system to put flavours in it. Inside the tube put some squashed, wet mint or sage leaves. Now when you release your end, the strength will be much milder and will taste better. With this system as a base, you can let your imagination flow, nothing is impossible with that wonderful drug in your body; your thinking process changes in an inexplicable way, allowing another form of thinking to take place, one that can trigger both the worst bullshit and the most beautiful thoughts.

Last but not least, the buoyancy effect or Archimedes’ force applied to a stoner’s life. It goes like this: an object, which is immersed in a fluid, is buoyed by a force equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the object. This is not for beginners and based my humble pothead knowledge, is the only one way of smoking a joint in one toke. Thanks to Archimedes, here is the recipe: take a bucket of water and a plastic bottle. Cut the bottom of the bottle and make a little hole, size of your roach to be, in the bottle cap. Put the bottle at the bottom of the bucket with the joint in the hole. Light the joint and slowly take the bottle out until the entire joint is consumed inside. Be careful to always keep the bottom half of the bottle submerged in water; otherwise all your smoke will escape within a seconds. When it’s done, carefully take the bottle cap out, put your mouth on it and in one movement put the all bottle back in the water. Don t do it alone and do it wisely, this is really strong shit.

Now you know how to make your Christmas holidays less boring, how to enjoy the family dinner a little bit more. The good old joint will always stay the most practical way of smoking and when you think about it, it makes sense. I hope you have fun with these new, or old tricks. Have a smokey day.

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  • Frimlin Petrich

    That’s bullshit for tennagers ! Keep on rolling the usual way, boring maybe but still the best.