Maybe in all of our adventures in life, we leave behind bits of soul debris, intertwining ourselves and our souls with all that we encounter. But, who is responsible for your soul? Does the duty of its upkeep fall upon some divine deity, a priest, a spiritual guide, nature, your mother, your lover…? Or are you the sole caretaker of your very own soul? Can you even consider it your own? We are constantly in connection with other souls… our energies mix in both daily and deeper conversation, one night stands and real love making, travel, dance, dispute, happiness with or conflict involving someone else’s soul. All of our encounters leave behind a distinct feeling. Often we are accumulating these positive things, things we can apply to our moral principles, attitudes and perspectives. And then sometimes we are gathering other things, till we are standing knee-deep in debris of the soul… Here is one soul’s take on the matter:
Because of the fact that our own existence is seen peering outward from ourselves, I feel like there’s a forced consideration for others’ souls. It’s as though we wander through the world admiring the time-injured beings we believe ourselves to be, gathering pigments of auras from others and watching the constantly moving watercolor of our own. For instance, this morning I walked through the park on my way to work. One of the token drug dealers, who happens to stand in the very spot I have to cross more than occasionally, stopped me. This wasn’t the first time he had spoken to me. I don’t generally have leisurely discussions with the dealers in the park, right where they tick and sell, (solely because I don’t want to get arrested) but something about this man’s energy seemed earnestly interesting, so I listened. In our first discussion I found out his name is Mango, ”JUSS like da’ fruit.” He came here from Gambia (smallest country in continental Africa), a few months ago and that he likes the bright colors I wear. This time, he told me that he remembered me, asked me if my life was going ”ok” and he gave me the warmest smile I had seen all day through icy, cracked lips… I told him I had to go to work but that I genuinely hoped he was doing alright. The instant I turned around I felt it: the aftermath of energies mixed. The feeling Mango left behind, regardless of how insignificant I thought it was, it was there. There was something inside me like a barely tangible residue of energy. But this is no new phenomenon. I mean, this happens every time I interact with someone on whatever level, and he is a complete stranger with whom I carried out nothing more than small talk.
In past expressions of promiscuous impulses, I was sharing my intimate energy with numerous people. Each encounter added something to my souls wholeness, and left behind ruins of emotions, memories, pieces of a quickly built structure blown away by the forces of change. During these times I was learning very much about myself, learning to trust and to listen to me… but I soon realized that listening became extremely hard when there was so much input.
Intimate relationships require a lot of soul merging. Trying to merge in numerous opposing directions at the same time was exciting, challenging, and damn exhausting. Soon the debris started piling up, the more I began caring for someone and intimately caring about their issues as well as mine. If my soul were a house, ”his” childhood lessons needing to be unlearned, would be the socks thrown nonchalantly in the corner of my clean room. ”Her” seemingly deliberate attempt to push away good things, would be dirty dishes left in the sink. ”His” relentless insecurities would be the light bulb incessantly flickering in my hallway. Nobody means to make a mess of your soul house, it’s just the outcome of entertaining guests. Or is it? Who is supposed to tidy up around here? Does this mean that I am providing free room and board for multiple aural energies? In a way, yes. And I find that confusing for the soul.
For instance, I see it somewhat like a big city in that I dispose of my own garbage properly, sure, but I can’t very well go around cleaning up after everyone else who litters here. So what do I do with it? My energy bumps elbows on a daily basis with souls who are so confused, they don’t even know it and could really care less about cleaning it. And by ”cleaning”, I mean cleansing, physically, emotionally or otherwise… I don’t believe anyone’s soul is inherently evil, but they can turn that way perhaps- due to lack of upkeep, so the responsibility is definitely there. I mean, would it be totally out of the question to think people deliberately deposit debris into your soul’s otherwise well kept environment? A subtle stab at immortality? I’d say that is bound to create more debris, hurting others or even behaving self destructively. So soul debris is also what’s left on the battlefield after suffering occurs. But again, who is supposed to play valkyrie?
Sometimes, though, this occurs from my very own heart, out of genuine kindness and compassion. For instance, a friend comes to me needing badly to talk some personal things out with someone, anyone. I will consent to listen and be there for them. We’ve all been that person, the listener, willing or unwilling to some extent. Be it someone trusting you with their deepest personal thoughts, sharing spiritual discussions, sobbing over lovers quarrels or even some lonely woman at the train station screaming her frustrations out at society, we are always listening and in some way shape and form we feel something when we hear it. For me it is often empathy that I feel. So I put myself in the position of others to understand where they are coming from. And by doing that I feel their pain to a certain degree. Sometimes the feeling of pain is strong, and I might cry with someone else. Sometimes I feel other things, but always, these things stick with me. I will think about them eventually again and personally have to work them out myself, the effect they have on me is real. Naturally I don’t go around crying and wailing every time I hear something sad, or burst into song dance at every scrap of good news, but the more of myself I give, the more I receive.
So like a ven diagram it is all pulled in and you’ve got everyone’s opinions and worries, lovely aspects, tendencies and words to envelop yourself in when your own soul reaches out. Society must feel it too on all scales. If you watch the news, read a moving article, hear a good speech, see a painting you really feel down deep inside, these are things we all share, see and feel together. When an entire country is outraged and having a fucking revolution, all of their souls deal with that as a whole, a group of souls striving together during and after. The debris builds up in them, in the hearts of the international community who cares and the opportunity to empathize with the people of this planet are endless… So what can we do? How can we accept it ALL?
Some have the luxury of having a soul which allows for total passiveness. There will be some people who absolutely will not understand what I am talking about here. But there are others like me whose souls lie open to the ethereal reward of human interaction and experiencing real emotion. I don’t know who is luckier. Does choosing to accept to feel it make you weaker? Does it make you richer? I am not the one to say, but I feel a bit of both. Luckily I have also begun to find a point of unity in this that I CAN accept. Maybe the best cleansing for my soul is simply the act of loving. Experiencing what comes and taking these things, packing them in my dream purse, and carrying on my journey, just letting the debris dissolve in the wind. Just letting it go.