With cheating and suspicion common in many of today’s relationships, we spoke to a girl who regularly cheats on her boyfriend, but feels no guilt. She explores the reality of her philosophy in action.
I am what you may call a serial cheater. I have cheated on my last couple of boyfriends multiple times, including my current boyfriend. Most people see cheating as something horrible and wrong. I don’t disagree with them, but this hasn’t stopped me from going out and cheating. But cheating isn’t something I want to do, but sometimes something I feel I need to do.
A few years ago my father told me outright that he often cheats on my mother and that everyone will be cheated on eventually. But there is nothing we can do about it. It’s genetic. The talk obviously affected me. First, I was horrified that he would do that to my mother. And I hate that he continues to do it. But then when I began to cheat I felt a kind of justification knowing that they would eventually cheat on me. I preempt anyone from cheating on me by cheating on them first.
The strangest and most complicated part of cheating for me is I never feel any guilt. I should feel guilty as I feel guilt for other things I do in my life, but with cheating it doesn’t feel like it’s me doing it. It’s not me and not the person I want to be. I want fidelity in a relationship, and would hate for anyone to cheat on me and couldn’t stand the thought of my boyfriend with someone else. Hypocritical, I know, but I can’t explain it.
The main thing that pushes me to cheat is the state of the relationship I am in. Although I don’t think people in general should cheat, cheating helps me cope. I am a relationship person and always will be. When you begin a relationship you quickly assume an identity or role within the partnership. For example, right now I play a submissive role and oftentimes feel disrespected. It’s not who I want to be. So when I cheat I can be a different person from the role I have assumed in my relationship. I can be free of that label. None of my affairs have had emotional ties. I sleep with them, forget it happened and move on. I don’t want emotions. I purely want to be that new self for a moment. It is an escape.
I do love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him, but sometimes I just need to get away from the submissive role I currently play.
Also, although I don’t fully believe my father’s genetic argument, I do believe there is some biology to it. I think women cheat because we are biologically wired to procreate and in that way are required to bear children regardless of who the father is.
However, when men cheat I think it’s because they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their relationship and look for satisfaction elsewhere. I truly believe that women cheat more than men. We just know how to hide it better. I think women are capable of falling in and out of love much easier and faster than men, yet we need love and the security of family that comes with it. So if love is missing from their relationship they will stray. Yet, in my experience, men are more independent and happy alone than women, so have a harder time adjusting to being with someone else, and therefore take longer to fall in love. But if a guy is truly crazy about a woman, he won’t cheat and if they happen to break up it seems to me that men take a lot longer to get over the relationship.
There are plenty more reasons why people cheat. For me it is that feeling of escaping the restraints of my relationship identity. Cheating is not something I want to continue to do though. I am trying to stop. I am aware, even if I feel no guilt, that it’s a horrible thing to do to someone you love. Even though I cheat, I still hope for monogamous and faithful relationships in the future where I won’t feel the need to cheat. I just I haven’t found that person yet.