After several cases of child abuse within the Catholic Church, we had a chat with an atheist about his feelings on the subject. It is an understatement to say he is disgusted with the Church. He also had a few unconventional solutions for the problem.

Every profession entails its own suffering. Managers have more strokes than the rest of us, alcoholism is common among restaurant workers, musicians do too much drugs and priests are pedophilic at rates dwarfing the larger population. Recently a hundred priests in Belgium were accused of more than 500 cases of child rape, just like their colleagues in every country the Church is present in.

The Pope himself has decided to defend his colleagues by blaming society, “The context of these times….There is a market in child pornography that seems in some way to be considered more and more normal by society…pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children.” He claims this climate that the Catholic Church’s actions merely reflected the moral relativism of the times. Yes that’s right, in these modern days everyone in on a bit of casual molestation. “It is maintained – even within the realm of Catholic theology – that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself.” That is, church leaders weren’t sure if child sexual abuse was wrong, since secular society seemed to accept it. Sorry Benedict, last time I checked society does not believe child rape is ever acceptable. It’s funny how the majority of the time the Church seems to spend so much time telling everyone else what’s right and wrong and then suddenly when it comes to their own behavior they claim ignorance.

Back in Belgium, the Church has created a new code of conduct in which men who enter a Belgian seminary will be subjected to regular psychological testing concerning their attitudes about sex and celibacy before being ordained. Instead of putting the monsters in prison, the Churches’ master plan is to make them swear an oath not to rape kids anymore.

I have an even better solution, since the normal punishments don’t seem to apply on these holy fuck ups, the seminaries should actually recruit pedophiles in society. They seem to make great priests. After all this would save priests from the turmoil of questioning what is morally right or wrong. I’m sure pedophiles would probably fare better within the Church than prison and it would get them off the streets and into a respectable job. Problem solved right?

Or, there’s another way to go about it. Certain environments are deemed unfit or unsafe for children like clubs and have an age limit. I mean why not, like a club, have an age limit on the churches – 18 and over only. That way you might be saving your children, not just from molestation, but also brainwashing from this outdated, bigoted cult. We could even re-decorate the interiors. Jesus statues don’t seem to mean anything and they could be replaced with condom automats or the wine substituted with hard liquor, like whiskey. At least the communion of whiskey would reduce the physical pain of being raped.

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